Here I am, with 4 weeks left to go on bedrest! I am excited to meet this little girl who does aerobics inside of me. Curious to see if she will be full so much energy once she's out here! Is she going to be wild and crazy, or calm and cool? My guess just based off of her personality shown in the womb is that she will be WILD & CRAZY....kind of like her mommy :)
Things have certainly gotten better these last 3 weeks. Sasha actually looks forward to going and spending time with kids her age, and doing things outside and learning new things! However, I've noticed sometimes she still hates to leave me, which I honestly believe is because she feels bad about leaving me home alone. How can a 3 1/2 year old feel this way?? She is so amazing, and I look at her and realize that Jimmy and I created such an amazing little human being. This next one might be our 'red headed child', but I know she too will be just as amazing.
In these last 3 weeks, I think I've come to the realization that this could have happened to me on purpose. It has forced me to slow down and take a break. Sasha and I needed the seperation to start appreciating eachother more. The time we have in the morning before she leaves, and the time we have together when she gets back is appreciated so much more! I've learned a lot just by laying in this bed, and have really started appreciating my friends so much more. They are amazing and I am sad to leave them to move to DC.
The only thing I regret, is Jimmy having to carry all the weight of everything around here. We try to spend as much cuddle time as we can together at night, but there's always something to be done when planning a move and taking care of a 3 yr old and a 30 yr old!!! We will get through this though, and I have a whole new level of respect for my husband. He has been amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better partner in life.
Here is a little video someone shared with me, and it had me laughing SO HARD! Basically explains how pregnancy feels exactly! Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THAaNPIxEek&feature=share
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
30 with patches of Gray!
Last night was the night we officially spotted PATCHES of gray hair coming in!!!!! I'm 30 years old, and it's happening! Since on bedrest I haven't been able to color my hair...so Jimmy was looking at my roots and decided to let me in on the fact that I had not just a few strands of gray hair, but PATCHES! Really?! First words out of my mouth: COLOR MY HAIR!
So do you think that maybe we have a little too much going on in our lives?? A little too much stress? Or, it could be thanks to my Dad's side because he was gray at a young age. I'm pregnant with just my second child and turning gray. There is just something seriously wrong with that!
But we have had lots of stress in our lives lately, so I'm sure that isn't helping. I've been put on bedrest for 7 weeks (5 more weeks left!) and last week my grandmother had a stroke which has paralized her whole left side of her body. I can't even go see her due to the bedrest. Each week has brought me some emotional drama, and is seriously making me feel even more like I have no control. If you know me at all, you know that I am a control freak and NOT having control stresses me out!
On top of all this, we are moving to DC in June and are trying to sell our house. It hasn't been an easy process, and we are even at the point of considering keeping it as a rental and renting it out. Then maybe in a couple years we will have more equity built up and hopefully the market will be better. Who knows what the right thing to do is. The only thing I can figure on is whatever decision we make will have to be the right decision for us. Everyone will have an opinion, but our decision is the only one that matters.
Luckily we've had a huge support system here to help us with meals and just everything! Friends, family and co-works have come together and taken care of our meals so Jimmy doesn't have the stress of having to cook. He is so stinking busy from the moment he gets home from work as it is, I couldn't imagine putting cooking on him as well. I think he definitely is getting a feel for what it's like to be with a 3 year old every day and night, but it's just too much for one person! I had a break down yesterday because I hated all of this being put on him. I can see it stresses him out, and I wish I could take it away. All I can hope is that we get through this stronger then ever, and I can get back to my normal self and have all my energy back. I'll be having a C-section though, and that makes it another 2 weeks after the baby comes before I can even start doing some normal every day things.
Keep our family and my Grandmother in your prayers. Hopefully things will start to become clearer for us as time goes by!
So do you think that maybe we have a little too much going on in our lives?? A little too much stress? Or, it could be thanks to my Dad's side because he was gray at a young age. I'm pregnant with just my second child and turning gray. There is just something seriously wrong with that!
But we have had lots of stress in our lives lately, so I'm sure that isn't helping. I've been put on bedrest for 7 weeks (5 more weeks left!) and last week my grandmother had a stroke which has paralized her whole left side of her body. I can't even go see her due to the bedrest. Each week has brought me some emotional drama, and is seriously making me feel even more like I have no control. If you know me at all, you know that I am a control freak and NOT having control stresses me out!
On top of all this, we are moving to DC in June and are trying to sell our house. It hasn't been an easy process, and we are even at the point of considering keeping it as a rental and renting it out. Then maybe in a couple years we will have more equity built up and hopefully the market will be better. Who knows what the right thing to do is. The only thing I can figure on is whatever decision we make will have to be the right decision for us. Everyone will have an opinion, but our decision is the only one that matters.
Luckily we've had a huge support system here to help us with meals and just everything! Friends, family and co-works have come together and taken care of our meals so Jimmy doesn't have the stress of having to cook. He is so stinking busy from the moment he gets home from work as it is, I couldn't imagine putting cooking on him as well. I think he definitely is getting a feel for what it's like to be with a 3 year old every day and night, but it's just too much for one person! I had a break down yesterday because I hated all of this being put on him. I can see it stresses him out, and I wish I could take it away. All I can hope is that we get through this stronger then ever, and I can get back to my normal self and have all my energy back. I'll be having a C-section though, and that makes it another 2 weeks after the baby comes before I can even start doing some normal every day things.
Keep our family and my Grandmother in your prayers. Hopefully things will start to become clearer for us as time goes by!
Monday, March 12, 2012
32 Weeks Doctors Appointment
Just had a doctors appointment this morning, and it went well! Apparently I am doing everything right....since I have been on bedrest this past week, my cervix has calmed down...yes, those are my words! :) Basically it means that it is thickening again and going back to normal, which is the best we could have hoped for! So when I ask "Does this mean I can get off of bedrest???", I am hopeful but quickly informed that the moment I start doing stuff again it will just go right back to where we left off. Nope, I don't get to go off of bedrest. But at least I am following doctors orders now and should have no problems making it to the end with this pregnancy! I will have to go in again in two weeks, then every week from there on to keep our eye on it.
I just feel so good leaving there today that all of this is for a good reason and hasn't been worthless! At 36 weeks they "may" let me start sitting again! WOW! Can you imagine??? Getting to SIT! :)
I did go outside on Saturday because it was soooo beautiful out! Jimmy just set up a lounge chair and I sat in it and watched Sasha play in her play area and her sandbox. It was the highlight to my week. I even got some sun while out there! Hopefully we have good weather here on out on the weekends, cause I need more of that! But, I did pay for it later and was having some contractions. However, they weren't anything too terrible, and the doctor didn't yell at me for it, so I think I could pull it off again! :) TRUST ME, I AM following directions!! :)
So here's to another week of bedrest. This week is my ad week, so I will be keeping myself busy doing ads. I am so thankful to at least have that work to still bring in some money and keep myself busy!
I just feel so good leaving there today that all of this is for a good reason and hasn't been worthless! At 36 weeks they "may" let me start sitting again! WOW! Can you imagine??? Getting to SIT! :)
I did go outside on Saturday because it was soooo beautiful out! Jimmy just set up a lounge chair and I sat in it and watched Sasha play in her play area and her sandbox. It was the highlight to my week. I even got some sun while out there! Hopefully we have good weather here on out on the weekends, cause I need more of that! But, I did pay for it later and was having some contractions. However, they weren't anything too terrible, and the doctor didn't yell at me for it, so I think I could pull it off again! :) TRUST ME, I AM following directions!! :)
So here's to another week of bedrest. This week is my ad week, so I will be keeping myself busy doing ads. I am so thankful to at least have that work to still bring in some money and keep myself busy!
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Bedroom no longer belongs to my husband!
Also, Jimmy's pillow is now MY pillow. That's right, I need 3 pillows minimum now. We may have bought this one for him once upon a time, but he has now surendered it to me. Well, except at night when he actually sleeps in here, then I'm nice enough to give it back. But lucky him, he gets to put his head on a pillow at night that has been used for bodily comfort during the day. Does it get much better then that?
Oh, and I tried talking Jimmy into getting me a massage bed rest pillow....but I don't think he took me too seriously....maybe once we are into this further and he realizes his pillow isn't quite as nice as it once was, I'll be getting what I want. :)
Now let's talk about the cat. Yes, we have a cat. His name is "Zeus"...need I say more? He is the ruler of this house. But I'm not really sure what is going through his head as he sits in the doorway to my room just staring at me. I'm pretty sure that while I was gone all those times with Sasha, he most likely found a way on to my bed to sleep during the day. I'm pretty sure he is glaring at me for taking his space. Darn cat....I do not allow pets on my furniture! So I KNOW I have him figured out now! I have a feeling however that by the end of these 7 weeks he is going to win and will be laying in this bed with me. I mean come on, I'm all by myself, every day....who else am I going to talk to and boss around? I'll most likely invite him up on the bed, the yell at him and tell him to get off just so I feel like I am in control of SOMETHING! Doesn't this just sound like something I'd do?
Okay, now let's get to the "bathroom breaks". When you are 32 weeks pregnant like I am, bathroom breaks are WAY more often! I mean, I'm talking every 10 minutes or so. Please explain to me how I can be on bed rest when I need to get up every stinkin 10 minutes???? PLUS, I'm sitting here in bed with nothing to do so I drink 3x's as much water, which makes it even worse! It is cruel irony I tell you.
On the plus side of all of this, my butt is finally starting to settle into a groove in the bed. Yep, I have a groove now in the mattress. Pretty much fabulous. I know soon here it is going to start getting wider, and wider, and wider! How awesome is that?! Maybe I should consider shifting over to the middle of the bed and flattening it out a bit. Okay, I am doing my best to eat right while stuck here....veggies in the fridge, fruit, just yummy stuff! But really, how long is that going to last? I have 7 weeks of this and there's no way I can stand veggies and fruit alone for that long! I'd better just accept now that my butt print in the bed WILL get wider! ;)
All humor aside, I do appreciate even more the morning and evening cuddle time I get with my daughter. Just in the past week we have grown even closer as a family. Even though this is an extremely difficult time for us, we always find a way to grow closer and stronger as a family...this is what I love most about us. And when this baby comes, I look forward to growing even more. :)
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Bedrest or Emotional Prison?
I started this blog, due to the fact that I have suddenly been put on bedrest while in my second pregnancy. My name is Lindsey, and I have a 3 year old, and am 32 weeks pregnant.
Let's start out with the facts:
*It took us 2 years to get pregnant this time.
*In that time, we had 1 miscarriage.
*We started looking into adoption, then found out in August we were finally pregnant!
*We had some bleeding early on, went and got an ultrasound thinking I was having another miscarriage, and that's where the chain of events began....
....first they thought I had a shortened cervix, luckily my doctor didn't take a chance and sent us to a specialist. He then discovered my cervical length was fine, but I had a scarred cervix. Most likely due to my first C-Section. I then had to have a 'cerclage' placed to prevent a miscarriage or early labor. (A process by the way that is neither fun or as easy as they make it sound) --I am now able to breathe knowing I will not miscarry this baby.
*I am warned to take it easy or I could go into early labor.
*At Christmas I overdo it and have some contractions.
*They tell me to take it easy, or it won't get better.
*Nope, I didn't listen.
*More contractions.
*Phone call to the nurse...stay on rest, with zero activity....HA! I have a 3 year old, as if!
*Trip to the doctors office...yep, full bed rest.
And that leads to where we are today. Lesson learned? Take what your doctor says seriously, and do NOT believe for one minute that it can't happen to you, because if there's anything I've learned in life today....it can.
Today is day...6? Yep, day 6 of bed rest. It started last Friday when I went to both my doctors. When my doctor here in Helena saw me my cervical length had shortened which was a sign of contractions. They put me on a machine to make sure I wasn't contracting while I was laying down. Luckily, I wasn't and was able to be put on bed rest at home rather than immediately admitted to the hospital for close observation. However, I will be going in every 2 weeks to make sure that is not where I am. Yes, I am listening to doctors orders NOW and not letting myself get to that point.
That same day I had to go to Great Falls to get an ultrasound done to check the cerclage. The doctor there also checked me and discovered that the baby is putting pressure on my cervix which means she is trying to drop down. Another reason to stay on bed rest.
We then went and spent the weekend at my in-laws so we could rest and get our thoughts cleared. Not only do I stay at home with our 3 year old, but I also work from home. Thankfully I have a job that I can still do from home, but now I am totally unable to take care of our 3 yr old. I am only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom or go take a bath. How do you explain this to a 3 year old who is already having a difficult time with the pregnancy?
Over the weekend and into Monday we spent time figuring out daycare situation for her. We found a lovely lady who stays at home with her girls and runs an in home daycare. She also homeschools her kids, is religious and makes home cooked meals. She texts me to give me updates on our daughter which helps me feel like I am still a part of her day.
Today was day "3" of her going to daycare. Now, please note, she has NEVER been in a daycare for more then a couple hours here and there. She has been with friends of mine and their kids, but never a real daycare. So this was a very difficult process for the both of us. We've spent the last 3 years together, now suddenly she has to be away from me all day every work day. Day 1 & 2 were pretty easy, since I was able to get her excited about the things she'd be doing. But this day, day 3 on the other-hand, has been the most difficult day of my life. Going through the pain of childbirth and having a cerclage placed holds nothing to this day. She finally realized what was happening on a daily basis, and had a complete meltdown. As did I. She was screaming my name, crying, saying how "she was going to be afraid"...I held strong as my husband was pulling her out the door, but once that door shut I was done. All morning spent crying and not understanding how to deal with this and the separation anxiety we both were experiencing. She yelled at her daddy to turn the car around. Could you imagine what he had to be feeling?? But luckily, once she got there and got settled, she was fine. I am so thankful our daycare provider is keeping me updated and helping me through this process!
Yep, that's basically why I started this blog. I know there are going to be good days, and there are going to be bad days. I always enjoyed channeling my energy towards writing in a journal, so this was my way of managing my emotions.
I am most likely going to be on bed rest for the next 6 1/2 weeks until our scheduled c-section. I've had people say "oh I wish someone would put ME on bed rest!" While I know at one point I felt the same, now I do not. You sit and stare at the things that are not being done, and you feel so insufficient. Imagine going day to day doing the simple things that make your life go smoothly, then suddenly those are taken away from you. You can't pick up your child, or play with them the way you used to. And when they are old enough to know something isn't right, you then get to deal with them acting out and being upset.
I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the facts and the true emotions of any mother on bed rest during pregnancy. You watch your husband work his tail off all day at work, then have to come home and work non-stop at home doing the simple things you should have been able to do yourself. Frustrating.
So follow along with me through this process, and into our move to DC after the baby comes. Yes, that's a different story for another blog day....
Let's start out with the facts:
*It took us 2 years to get pregnant this time.
*In that time, we had 1 miscarriage.
*We started looking into adoption, then found out in August we were finally pregnant!
*We had some bleeding early on, went and got an ultrasound thinking I was having another miscarriage, and that's where the chain of events began....
....first they thought I had a shortened cervix, luckily my doctor didn't take a chance and sent us to a specialist. He then discovered my cervical length was fine, but I had a scarred cervix. Most likely due to my first C-Section. I then had to have a 'cerclage' placed to prevent a miscarriage or early labor. (A process by the way that is neither fun or as easy as they make it sound) --I am now able to breathe knowing I will not miscarry this baby.
*I am warned to take it easy or I could go into early labor.
*At Christmas I overdo it and have some contractions.
*They tell me to take it easy, or it won't get better.
*Nope, I didn't listen.
*More contractions.
*Phone call to the nurse...stay on rest, with zero activity....HA! I have a 3 year old, as if!
*Trip to the doctors office...yep, full bed rest.
And that leads to where we are today. Lesson learned? Take what your doctor says seriously, and do NOT believe for one minute that it can't happen to you, because if there's anything I've learned in life today....it can.
Today is day...6? Yep, day 6 of bed rest. It started last Friday when I went to both my doctors. When my doctor here in Helena saw me my cervical length had shortened which was a sign of contractions. They put me on a machine to make sure I wasn't contracting while I was laying down. Luckily, I wasn't and was able to be put on bed rest at home rather than immediately admitted to the hospital for close observation. However, I will be going in every 2 weeks to make sure that is not where I am. Yes, I am listening to doctors orders NOW and not letting myself get to that point.
That same day I had to go to Great Falls to get an ultrasound done to check the cerclage. The doctor there also checked me and discovered that the baby is putting pressure on my cervix which means she is trying to drop down. Another reason to stay on bed rest.
We then went and spent the weekend at my in-laws so we could rest and get our thoughts cleared. Not only do I stay at home with our 3 year old, but I also work from home. Thankfully I have a job that I can still do from home, but now I am totally unable to take care of our 3 yr old. I am only allowed to get up to go to the bathroom or go take a bath. How do you explain this to a 3 year old who is already having a difficult time with the pregnancy?
Over the weekend and into Monday we spent time figuring out daycare situation for her. We found a lovely lady who stays at home with her girls and runs an in home daycare. She also homeschools her kids, is religious and makes home cooked meals. She texts me to give me updates on our daughter which helps me feel like I am still a part of her day.
Today was day "3" of her going to daycare. Now, please note, she has NEVER been in a daycare for more then a couple hours here and there. She has been with friends of mine and their kids, but never a real daycare. So this was a very difficult process for the both of us. We've spent the last 3 years together, now suddenly she has to be away from me all day every work day. Day 1 & 2 were pretty easy, since I was able to get her excited about the things she'd be doing. But this day, day 3 on the other-hand, has been the most difficult day of my life. Going through the pain of childbirth and having a cerclage placed holds nothing to this day. She finally realized what was happening on a daily basis, and had a complete meltdown. As did I. She was screaming my name, crying, saying how "she was going to be afraid"...I held strong as my husband was pulling her out the door, but once that door shut I was done. All morning spent crying and not understanding how to deal with this and the separation anxiety we both were experiencing. She yelled at her daddy to turn the car around. Could you imagine what he had to be feeling?? But luckily, once she got there and got settled, she was fine. I am so thankful our daycare provider is keeping me updated and helping me through this process!
Yep, that's basically why I started this blog. I know there are going to be good days, and there are going to be bad days. I always enjoyed channeling my energy towards writing in a journal, so this was my way of managing my emotions.
I am most likely going to be on bed rest for the next 6 1/2 weeks until our scheduled c-section. I've had people say "oh I wish someone would put ME on bed rest!" While I know at one point I felt the same, now I do not. You sit and stare at the things that are not being done, and you feel so insufficient. Imagine going day to day doing the simple things that make your life go smoothly, then suddenly those are taken away from you. You can't pick up your child, or play with them the way you used to. And when they are old enough to know something isn't right, you then get to deal with them acting out and being upset.
I'm not complaining, I'm just stating the facts and the true emotions of any mother on bed rest during pregnancy. You watch your husband work his tail off all day at work, then have to come home and work non-stop at home doing the simple things you should have been able to do yourself. Frustrating.
So follow along with me through this process, and into our move to DC after the baby comes. Yes, that's a different story for another blog day....
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